As I stumbled through that first Halloween, just days after their death, I remember thinking to myself that fall was forever ruined for me. A season I had always loved for its transient beauty was now tarnished with a bitter melancholy. I resigned myself to faking my way through this season of pumpkins, sweets, and giddy children in costumes.
I had almost forgotten I had felt that way until this morning when I was jolted back to that time after writing to a friend, I think I will always be grateful that Molly and Joseph came to us in the midst of such a definite change of season. I always feel them as the leaves begin to turn, I see them in every pumpkin, and I smell them every time I cook a big, warm pot of soup.
They are the essence of Fall for me.
I wrote it, I meant it, and then I took a step back and had to marvel at the truthfulness of it all. Both then, and now.
10 comments:
You inspire me, Lori. You really do.
I'm so glad for you, Lori, that this new Season has arrived, where you can see Molly and Joseph in the leaves and pumpkins and feel gratitude instead of (or maybe in addition to) grief. It's amazing, really.
Lori~
It amazes me sometimes how similar our grief and recovery feelings are sometimes. This post rings so true for me and my feelings for the Fall now~how I have come to feel that this is Hannah, Ryan and Abby's season, and how I am able to see the true beauty in the Fall again. While it still brings some bouts of sadness, it's no where near what it was in previous years. And, like you said, now there is gratitude. And it's really a beautiful thing.
You give me hope!
tears in my eyes...i get it, Lori.
I am so glad you Molly and Joseph wrap their love around you this time of year...
It's beautiful how your strength inspires. ~Hugs~
Fall is such a beautiful season for grief and hope.
thinking of you and your beautiful babes.
Wow. This is so lovely. Thinking of you today.
This is such a lovely tribute to them, truly.
Thank you for posting this, Lori. It is beautiful and gives me hope.
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