Wednesday, January 7, 2009

The song remembers when

Today as I was driving along listening to Pumpkin chatter in the backseat a song came on the radio, one of the many songs that always bring Joseph and Molly to the forefront of my thoughts. As I let the lyrics penetrate my consciousness (something I sometimes prevent myself from doing) I felt tears spring to my eyes.  No real tears, no sobs, just that abrupt swell of emotion that overtakes us when we are suddenly confronted with a memory so powerful it resonates in every fiber of our being.

Five years later I now possess an emotional Stop Button that functions quite nicely most of the time.  It is the button I can press when I simply do not want to go there, right now, in this moment.  It is the button that allows me to attend a birthday party for boy/girl twins and focus solely on my own adorable, living almost four year old child.  And now, five years later mind you, it is the button I can go to when I feel the melancholy start to descend and yet there are dishes to wash, homework to correct and bedtime stories to be read.  

I am grateful to have at long last acquired this handy Stop Button.  But, at the same time, I am also glad that there are moments and memories that cannot always be so carefully controlled.  I am glad to know a song can still bring them back to me- even for a moment.

6 comments:

InTheFastLane said...

And sometimes, you do just need to let it play, for a little bit, because the song is a part of you.

Wabi said...

Nodding here.

Amy said...

I can't say that I have ever commented here but with this one I just have to! I have to say thank you! Thank you for letting me know that yes, the song will always remember and I too may eventually have a Stop Button.

It helps me to know that others never forget as I know I will never forget but that lingering fear is always there. So again, thank you for sharing this.

Bon said...

this was beautifully put, Lori. i too, now that i have the safety of a stop button for most of my normal day to day, relish and honour those moments where memory breaks through, and he is close to me again.

Mighty Morphin' Mama said...

I have not really thought about that, but it is totally true. And I find that I am actually relieved or ... when I am moved to tears over my girl, reminded of my mourning.
Thinking of you, hope you are doing well.

shay said...

Beautiful! God is in the tears and the joy isn't He.