I just don't know what to do with the People magazine article featuring now grown, former micropreemies. Healthy, happy young adults who were all born between 23 and 27 weeks. I don't know what to do with the image of their smiling, life-filled faces now burned into my consciousness. I don't know what to do with the images of what they looked like at birth, so like my own tiny two, in contrast to now. And more than anything I am weary of trying to figure out what to do with the swirling emotions that inevitably bubble up to the surface every time a story like this makes it way into the mainstream media.
If only I hadn't insisted on taking the boys to get haircuts. That's the only place I ever pick up People magazine. Little T was right (again), haircuts are dumb.
12 comments:
Oh Lori, this must have been so hard. I'm chuckling about haircuts being dumb and thinking of you and wishing you peace.
Haircuts are dumb.
I am sorry for the pain that seems to rise during the most inconvenient times. It's just not fair.
~Hugs and prayers~
I think it is perfect to keep this journal up, and post when you need to.
Like now, when you take the kids for a haircut. It's the surprises that really get to you...
Darn Haircuts...
And really, the loss never goes away. Come back anytime.
I'm sorry. Things like that take my breath away. . .
I know what you mean -- the unexpected reminders can be so painful.
Haircuts? We don't need to stinking haircuts!
And I know this is not the point exactly, but I think it's unfair to show only the happy healthy outcomes. The other kind doesn't exactly sell magazines the way these "miracle" stories do. But it's unfair. Unfair to those survivors who are living with enormous challenges, and unfair to those who didn't make it. Not to mention that I believe it to be unfair to the general public to engender false perceptions that are sure to occur when only these happy healthy young adults are highlighted. And just so, so monstrously unfair to you, and to every other family that didn't get their happy healthy micropreemy outcome.
Creating this perception that this is the norm for outcomes really undercuts others' ability to perceive just how overwhelming and impossible was the situation that you were in. I am sorry.
But I am so glad you have this place to come to, and that you did.
Wow... thank you all so much for all of your supportive comments- especially when I have been away so long.
Julia- I know you are right. It really is unfair and even the article painted an irresponsibly rosey picture I thought. I read it only because I was hoping that it might offer a little balance to the happy lead photo. But, no.... My feelings are mixed about all of it so I won't even try to go there. I think what I find most difficult to deal with is not the sorrow, but the regret. But I will move through this too...
why are they *miracles*? because they lived? are their docs miracle workers? are they alive because god wanted them to be? are they alive because of some favorable, natural circumstances?
it's all sensationalism...and people like it because they think it's nice and sweet...but really it's no better than pimping out brittany's mental breakdown.
it sucks. i hate having to wonder WHY too.
Lori~
I haven't checked here in a while, so I'm sorry for the late response. I have no real words of comfort~these women and children got lucky. Extremely.
I know you know this~but when birth was immanent with Hannah, the neonatologist came in to see us. I don't remember if the neo was a man or woman. S/he asked us what we wanted to do when our child was born, and I had to ask what s/he meant-I was completely unaware that we even had an option at 23 weeks. After s/he explained heroic measures and some of the complications/risks/and potential outcomes, in a scared small voice I barely recognized, I asked, "will she ever smile?" The neo was compassionate yet frank with me and replied, simply, "I don't know"
There is a chance that a 23 week old baby will survive with heroic measures. However, when our babies were born, that chance was a lot lower than it is now and most hopsitals in the country didn't consider heroic measures under 24 weeks. When a child that young does survive, there is a strong chance that the child will never be able to smile or laugh. Two of the most important and basic human functions and there is a good chance that a gestationally 23 week old baby will never expereince either of them.
Again, all I can say is that these women and their children were extremely lucky. Beyond lucky. Which is why they are in People and other such magazines. It's grossly unfair to those mothers who made different choices, to those mothers who weren't presented with a choice and to those mothers to come who find themselves giving birth to mircropreemies...
I'm so sorry....
I have no words. Other to say, you can always come back here and we'll check and remember with you.
Hugs and bless you.
ps: haircuts are stupid!
Lori,
I just wanted you to know that I was thinking of you. When the article came out it was you that I thought of first, someone who gave me perspective into the words that I wrote so freely on my blog. I have never forgotten you but was always fearful of writing to you in case it brought on more emotions for you.
The only reason why I'm writing to you now (besides the fact that I'm way behind on reading blogs) is so you know that the article was not accurate. Period. I can't go into more detail but I did want you to know.
Hugs to you-someone who I admire for all of your honesty-which changed me as a person.
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